Ask a Couples Therapist in Murrieta, CA: Understanding What Safety Means in Relationships

Why Safety Matters in Relationship | Marriage Therapy in Murrieta, CA

When we think of relationships and the things we need from our partners, most of us will say that love, respect, and communication are at the top of the list. And I would agree!

In this blog, I want to tell you about another major need in relationships, safety.

You might be thinking “Safety?”.... And to answer your question, yes! Let me explain…

When I say safety, I imagine your brain went to the idea of physical safety - that we want to avoid relationships that are violent or cause physical harm to each other. Now your first thought on this isn’t wrong, we absolutely want to avoid relationships that put us in physical danger. However, this idea of safety that I am talking about is a larger concept. The type of safety I am referring to is an overall feeling of being protected from danger or harm with our health. That being said, protection from physical danger is only one aspect of our human health and relationship needs.

Types of Safety — Online Couples Counseling in California

So now you might be asking, what other needs for safety do we have besides physical safety? We have a lot! To name a few, we need..

- Emotional/Mental safety

- Sexual safety

- Financial safety

- Social safety

- Occupational safety

…and MORE!

Let’s briefly zoom in on the ones I listed above and talk about what each might look like in relationships:

Emotional/Mental safety:

I can say what I think and feel without being interrupted, dismissed, ignored, belittled, or shamed.

When I share my thoughts and feelings, they are acknowledged, valued, validated, and taken into consideration.

When I share vulnerable parts of myself (i.e. my hurts, concerns, traumas, etc.), my partner does not use them against me to hurt or take advantage of me.

Sexual Safety:

I can talk about my sexuality and sexual preferences without being belittled or feeling shamed.

The boundaries I set for physical affection and/or sexual intimacy are respected and are not pushed or ignored by my partner.

If I am curious about sexuality, I feel safe to explore them alone or with my partner.

My partner and I have clear definitions of our sexual commitment to each other (i.e. monogamy, open, polyamorous,etc.) that are mutually agreed upon and respected by both partners.

Financial Safety:

I have access to the money I make or am entitled to (including access to my own or our shared banking accounts).

If I make less money than my partner or have agreed to be out of work for the family, my partner does not use money to control me or hold against me.

I have a say in how my money and our shared money is used.

My partner does not make large financial decisions with our shared money without me or behind my back.

My partner and I can have conversations about money together where both feel considered and honored.

Social Safety:

I can talk with or visit my family as I deem necessary for my wellbeing.

I am allowed to have friends, even ones that my partner may not know or like.

Together we can have a community of friends or family where both me and my partner are accepted or welcomed.

If me or my partner have a problem with any friends or family members, we can talk with each other about our concerns in a way that makes us feel heard and we can work together to find solutions that honors us both.

Occupational Safety:

I am allowed to work if I want to and I am not guilted or shamed if I do not want to stay at home or only take care of the children.

I am not pressured to be the “breadwinner” if I do not want to or if I am unable to carry all of the financial responsibilities

I have a say in what type of work I do and I am not pressured or guilted into a different career path that I do not want or have no interest in.

My relationship can understand, accept and support the line of work I do or the ways my job may impact my wellbeing, schedule, or ability to pour into the relationship.

Why Safety is Essential for Successful Couples Therapy in Murrieta, CA

As you can probably tell by this blog, safety is more than just physical safety. In addition, safety in relationships is a two-way street where it is both given to my partner and accessible to me. If you and your partner are struggling with any elements of safety in your relationship, feel free to reach out to us and we’d love to help! We also offer free 15-minute consultations if you want to know more about us and our services.

Quality marriage counseling in Riverside CA, Temecula CA, online couples counseling in California, and couples retreats in California

At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. For a deeper experience focused on rejuvenation and reconnection, consider booking one of our couples retreats in California. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.

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